my heart hurts

So, some you know bits and pieces of my health story and some of you know more then you should ever want or half to know but here is the update for all those who are wondering what is going on with the "brain tumor."

I went to the Specialist today who was kind, smart, funny and actully listened. He said the tumor is 3 mm big and something to be checked yearly for a few yrs then every other yr and then after about 10 yrs we can stop checking it. He doesn't expect it to grow and my lab results show no indication of causing any hormone imbalance. So I should be thrilled huh?

He is putting me back on all the same meds i was on earlier this year. That is a good thing- I felt better on the previous meds. I am also very sad. I cried a little- why doesn't someone have an answer for me. I'll willing to do the work to get healthy and drop the weight. In theroy if I could drop the weight a lot of the symptoms I'm now expierencing would go away. The trick is how in the heck to get there.

Many of you know the multipul extreems I have gone to in order to remidy the situation. Not to meniton the on going eating right and workout plan that has now become a lifestyle. It makes my heart hurt when no one seems to know what else I can try or do diffrent in order for this to happen.

I want so badly to be healthy so i can run faster, be stronger, have a greater change of having children and maybe even get a date someday. I'll get over it and soon find some strength to try again but for now I just want to give up the fight. I'm done trying and failing. Maybe i'm in denial, maybe there is something more I can be doing but for at least the next 10 min I don't have much hope that there is an answer. What do you do when your best just isn't good enough?

My heart just hurts