So last minute I decided to go up with Ryan and Brandon to there concert in Rexburg. Lauren came (Spencer's Friend)! It was so fun to see her.... she is darling. I sure miss his friends hanging around all the time. I also ran into a student from last year who is now at BYU-I. I was sad I didn't get to see campus but were gonna go back soon hopefully!
Click on this for a clip from last night.
I'm an emotional disaster. I sat at my kitchen table about writing thank you's to give away to all the people who have been a big part of my journey at LPHS. Then I broke down and am still crying. I've DEEEEEEP LOVED my time there. I've never felt so fulfilled. loved, happy, excited about everyday. I'm gonna miss those kids so much. They've taught me to be happy, I've been my best self while I'm there and I'm just plain sad. I almost don't know how I'm going to walk in tomorrow. Pray that I'm not a mess all day and make it through the days of goodbyes. I loath goodbyes. There is something about teenagers that is magical.... I just love them so much it hurts and can't help it. Sometime I wish I didn't love them so much.
I'm also crying happy tears. I'm so grateful to have gotten to teach. I really can't believe how that feel into my lap. I'm thrilled for full time work in a happy office where people are productive, happy and take care of each other. I'm grateful that I'll have benefits and be able to take care of myself. I'm happy to continue to grow and stretch and be apart of something great.
Have I mentioned yet that I LOVE my new job. Time flies and the department I'm in is hilarious and fun and happy. so life really is going to be okay, - better then okay. Its going to be wonderful and I know it. If only I didn't have to do the goodbye part.
Emotional girl now going to cry herself asleep.
I haven't written in a long time. There is much that could be said... for now here are a few recent thoughts, updates, whatever you wanna call em.
- God or the universe or whatever you want to call it Loves me. He also loves you. Usually i remember that He loves me but sometimes I forget that He loves all of you as much as I do.... maybe even more then I do. I forget that He knows how to take care of you better then I do and that He's going to make sure your okay. I'm gonna try really hard to remember that and let go a little easier.
- No full time job yet but some promising interviews. I'm still looking and submitting applications. I feel hopeful and that's good news! I'm loving my time teaching and trying to relish every second as I know it will soon end. I love my students and so does God.
- I get to make choices based on whats going to make me happy and not what makes the most logical and practical sense. That was a new concept for me today - I think a rather healthy and exciting one.
- I love my Family. I have had a great time this week with almost every member. Miss you really big Spencer! From texts with Josh to Dinner with Sam and Michale to TV with Mom and Chats with Dad. I love these people. We really enjoy each other... its amazing to be apart of something this good.
- Fall TV premieres are amazing! I'm loving having all my friends back- Grey's, Survivor, Parenthood, Biggest Loser, etc... you get the idea. I've missed you and am thrilled your back!
- I went Latin Dancing this week- Loved IT! Something so healing about touch and music.
are amazing! I'm so glad to go through life with people who are so supportive and love me. Single world can get lonely sometimes but in our circle of friends I'm constantly amazed how supportive everyone is. This week I had friends bring me ice cream and mexican coke in bottles when I had a real bad boy day. These are the type of friends eveyone needs and I hope everyone is lucky enough to have.
It's Kylee bithday today. Its been a really fun weekend. I love her! If you see facebook, my blog, or ever see me you know that we have more than our fair share of fun together. Life is always good when your with her. She is amazing. Boys are idiots... just sayin. Rachelle made her this rad dvd of people saying happy birthday and pics of the year. It made me so glad that all these people are in my life... we love each other.
I was reminded today that even though life isn't perfect I have what's most important in life. I have incredable relationships.
So what I'm sayin is I'm the luckiest girl!
I didn't get the other job I really, REALLY, really wanted.
This is the response I got:
It was very nice to meet with you yesterday and discuss the _____ opportunity at ____. I was extremely impressed with your personality and qualifications. I think that you would do a great job in this position. It was extremely difficult to make a decision between you and one of the other candidates. Unfortunately, we have decided to offer this position to a candidate that has been involved with _____ for four years as a volunteer trip leader.
I wish I had another position to offer you but I will keep your resume on file and should another position become available I will contact you.
SO now what? I feel so discouraged and don't know where to look. I would really like to be able to pay my bills and move back into my condo. As for the last few hours I feel like a failure at life.
The funny thing is I know I'm not a failure. I know that there is probably because a better path, one that will be better for me and that I will love more. I would sure appreciate it presenting itself.... soon. Maybe even tonight? Why Yes I do like control. So universe here is what I want:
- A company that I believe in what they are doing
- Something that I love: work with teenagers, travel, events, or training
- It supports me generously and allows me to save for the future
I'd really appreciate feeling like I'm in control of something and a job.
so tonight I went on a date. A real one where the boy called a week in advance, asked me to reserve Saturday evening. Called me in the middle of the week to solidify the plans, picked me up, payed for it, planned it and the only thing I had to do was be at my house when he picked me up. That part was refreshing.
He was really nice and easy to talk and we had fun. I was myself and felt very comfortable.
Problem: I love a different boy. A boy that consumes my thoughts and time often. I was trying very hard to stay in the moment and really give this date boy a chance. then he took me to this place that the reminded me of the boy I love. And all I wanted to do was be with the boy I love.
Dating and love is so tricky. the end
I have done an amazing job at enjoying my summer while job hunting and having faith that the right thing will come alone until.... Tuesday.
I broke down. I felt the stress fall into place realizing that I'm almost out of money and options. So... I wrote a bunch of cover letter and applied for more stuff. I just feel like at 26 when you have an MBA you should be able to at least get an entry level job somewhere right? And maybe even one you like?
Someone please send me the job fairies who gives me something I will enjoy and cover my life expenses.
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